Sunday, March 1, 2009

Today, has been the slowest day ever. One of a string of slow days due to the rain and now what has become the snow which will then turn into another day of slowness....It seems that indeed you CAN watch like 9 consecutive hours of television and still be coherent enough to write an ever so intellegent blog about your "slow day"! I think we pretty much did everything we could do today including painting toe nails, cleaning windows, art projects, which last minutes when dealing with a 3 year old who has the attention span of a three year old, cooking and eating which obviously go hand in hand and a quick trip to the Pottery Barn for some out of the house fun!
Of course me daily trips to the computer to check my e mail were right on schedule for the day! I think I am losing it with the single parenting situaiton I am in these days. I am posivitve I need to get a job outside the house. I was dumb enough to think that I could take on everything that is my life right now even after my sweet husband said " Honey are you sure that you want to take all this on?" I am by nature a super freak when it comes to control, so my very upbeat answer to his questions was "uh...of course I can handle it!" I mean I have been on my own since I was 17 and fully capable to take care of myself since I can this whole situation should be a peice of cake right? Well, think again. I have found my self in the deepest pits of loneliness and despair...this indication came to me one night as I was walking aimlessly thru my house humming a tune from some broadway musical peice(of which I have many stored in my head for times just as these) when my very intelligent 6 year old daugter said to me "mommy are you going coocoo again?" Mmmmm...I said with a look of confusion? She then pointed out to me that I had my Pajamas on over my jeans and and two mitch matched shoes on! Now, granted...they were the same shoe just different colors...but seriously! I think I am losing it! I never in a million years would have thought that I would be so stricken by being by myself! As a mother of two young children, I can't but help to yearn for moments of being by myself, yet when I am, I am miserably lonely! Go figure! I think that God is using this time to stretch and grow me. When you have been married for 9 years and have little kids I think you fall into this trap...the one you say you'll never fall into when you are young and life is full of the possibility of anything. You become the wife and the mom! UGHHHHHH! You used the be the hot blonde with the kick as bod who had a career and her own money and her own bills and her own everything. Now...I struggle to remeber the things that brought me happiness before I was these things! Not in a bad way just a reflective way! I know that I will indeed be back with my husband in Ky before long and we will once again function as a unit, and life will go on, but for now it is really hard being alone and having the "quiet" all the time. How do people do it? Maybe you just do what ya gotta do and you just deal with it. sucks! So, right now in this moment I choose to promises for tomorrow! I'll take a day at a time !

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