What have I done?

Uh...so....Monday I went and had a Jessners pee; done on my face and YOWZA! The chick told me that I would peel a little. A little nothin'.....more like a lottle! I look terrible. Like a burn victim! I keep thinking about the Sex and the City episode where Samantha got the "lunch time peel" and came out looking like me! My three year old said "mommy what did you do to your face? " Ha! The things we will do to make ourselves beautiful on the outside. Well, I know I'm good on the inside....It stinks getting older! I still feel like I am 17! I feel like the last 10 years has flown bye and I am barely remembering what i have been doing. Ok...so I have had my boobs done, my tummy tucked and my face scraped off! Let's see ther is still the nose job, the filler for my forehead wrinkles and the lip enhancement, since they seems to be thinner than they once were...which is wierd to me! Anyway, I am halfway there...by the time I accomplish all this crap..I'll need a face lift! So, it got me thinking, why do we do all this stff to ourselves all the time? Hmmmm....I really don't understand it! My hubs thinks I am so gorgeous...he tells me everyday, yet somehow, I don;t believe him. He thinks I am nuts for all this stuff...He say's he's hot for me just like I am. It is not like I am trying to find a man...I guess it would be different if I was single right? Hmmmm...interesitng! Well, I am going to go peel my face off...tata

Tuessdays bluesdays

Ok...well, I had a wonderful weekend with my husband. We had my mom come on Saturday and then we spent the whole afternoon and Sat night uptown just hanging out. We don't do that often because when he is home for the weekend, he wants to spend all his time with the girls. It is a double edge sword only because the girls get completely off track when he is home and then when he leaves, they are so emotional for the next few days...it makes it so hard for me. I really don;t want to move back to Ky, but it is what it is. So, I am supporting my husband in his venture...he always puts us first and would never sacrifice us for himself. So, I know he is doing this for us! So we can have a better future. I need to have a better attitude for sure! About 3 more months and then I'll be back in the swing of things. I am planning a trip to Nashville in July to hang with my hommies from high school which will be so much fun...it always is! also, spring break home to Ky! I am excited about this because I get to spend opening day at Keeneland with all my girlfriends from college. Then, spend Sunday with my hubs there too. So fun! I get to dress up and that is always a good time. I think we will take the girls on a mini trip for a few days somewhere not sure yet! They love to go on adventures like their mommy! Ohhhhh, and a trip to San Fran in May. Can't wait! I am ashamed to say I have never been even though I am from Cali...terrible huh? Well, although I feel like I am bored out of my mind...I do have a lot to look forward to, so that is nice! Should be a pretty day here in Charlotte...I am looking forward to spring! Signing off for now...

Let's get goin Momma

Arggg...I can't seem to get with it this morning! I am too tired. I did not even make the beds and that is huge for me not to make the beds. Lulu had a terrible cough all night and of course it will turn into croupe...it always does! :) I missed the Bachelor last night which is also huge for me. I took a Tylenol PM at 7 so that is why I crashed so hard. I have trouble sleeping these days and I think I am an addict to sleep medication. That is not true other than if I don't take it then I really can't sleep! So , maybe it is true! I am antsy..I need a vaca...far from the realities of my life right now! I am dreaming of a far off adventure.....perhaps by myself after the last 6 months I have had! So, Happy Wednesday everyone! Pray I can get up and get moving! Off to the gym and then to run arrands! Carpool and then home again giggity gig!

Cry, Cry oh Bachelor!

Ok, so all my friends know I love The Bachelor. I watch it obsessively every Monday night! I am convinced there are much better things I could do with my time like read a novel or write in my journal...yet, every Monday night I am in my bed(which is may favorite place to be at night) watching with bated breath the outcome. I know that this show is ridiculous, but I can't help myself. Do I have issues? Am I crazy that I want to see these poor people divulge their most private moments in front of America? Something is wrong with I guess. Who would be stupid enough to actually go on this show to see if indeed they could "fall in love" with someone in 6 weeks? Seriously? I mean really?
I think anyone could "fall in love" with someone when they are traveling the world, wearing awesome clothes...which were chosen by like 10 stylists who have applied the make up and done the hair each and every day! I mean, I could fall in love with just about anyone who was half way descent looking, taking me on dates atop cliffs in New Zealand and giving me diamonds to wear while on a private helicopter ride! I think this is ABC's plot to see just how dumb and desperate people can be. Hmmmm. We know how silly this stuff is, but yet, there I am every Monday night watching like a giddy school girl waiting to see who will get the axe, but more importantly, who won the bet...me or my husband. Yes, folks, I have dragged my other half into my web of reality TV! I am ashamed and I am embarrassed...you should be embarrassed for me. Of course, not as embarrassed as the people on the show who have no pride most of the time and these girls who are relentless all in the name of love!
I love the beginning of these shows where they put all these attractive seemingly intelligent girls(although they did agree to go n the show to potentially be mortified in front of all of America) into a room and feed them alcoholic beverages for hours while they are all trying to get a moment alone with the guy who in order to get a date had to go on national television! Soooooo cruel, and I love it! It starts getting so good when the chicks start the throw down WWF match! So awesome! Stealing him from one another and calling each other all kinds of names. Priceless!
I am a married gal now for 9 years so I would hate to be out in the dating world right now trying to find Mr. right. I cannot pretend to know what these people life stories are and how they got to be contestants on the bachelor. This is just a guess, I am pretty sure that meeting a guy in this sort of scenario is not going to end up in happily ever after! I know this because happily ever after does not exist! There is no castle, no ball, no beautiful carriage. It is not real and yet we buy into this idea of TV made love all the time! When we are little, as girls, are we subconsciously trained into thinking this is real? I don't ever remember my mother or father or grandparents ( who I am very close to) ever teaching me this idea....do we arrive at this conclusion from the media? Hmmm..I wonder. We know from experience....some of us more than others....that this is not real life! We still go for it every time!
Ok...so, real life is like this: You meet some one who you think has great qualities and you could see yourself spending time with. I have never been all emotional and think the term growing old with is silly...You come across someone who is compatible with your ideals. You date...it's all nice and lovely and care bears and butterflies. Who wouldn't think going out to dinner very night and getting gifts all the time and travels to far away destination was not great!? Then, you become comfortable with that person. You get to know them...really know them. You get engaged and then your back to the exciting part again where you're all in love and you show your ring to everyone and they say it's so gorgeous and you're so lucky! Then, you spend a year and a fortune on a wedding because you think that is what you have to do because weddings are soooo much fun! Bullshit! Weddings are an extravagant waste of money that after is is all said and done you say to yourself..."I could have bought a house or paid off my student loans for what we spent on that wedding". I don't even remember my wedding! Half the people that were there...I didn't even know! It's a bionic whirlwind that devours you and then you didn't even get to enjoy it because you wanted to make sure that the topiaries were properly placed next to the cake that was half eaten and then tossed into the trash can! I swear, I would have done things so differently at the age I am now! I so don't care who liked my dress and who gave us what gifts now that I am in my 30's. Too funny! Boy, do I sound cynical?! We should have gone to Greece and got married on a cliff at sunset with only the people we truly love and know us inside and out...our close family and friends!
Ok...so here is what I have figured out about love.....love starts out as something, then changes into something else as time goes by! Duh....love never stays the same. They don't tell you these things when your young.....why not, I wonder. Just like they don't tell you what having a baby is really like...but that is a whole other blog! So, you better be able to roll with the punches when they come because loving someone is a great gift. It comes with a lot of different factors that make it so great, but also can make it not so great at times! Then, we go and add kids and careers and friendships and mortgages and financial issues into the mix......it is funny to me how all these other things seem to take over this sweet gift and can easily demolish what you spent years creating! We have many friends who were married for years and then divorce thinking " what the hell was all that for?" So sad.....they didn't get the "roll with the punches" bulletin. Marriage is very hard....it is a wonderful gift, but it takes so much work. Your spouse is not the same person he was when you married him and trust me you are not the same wife either. Now, you are always tired and have to work 3 times as hard to maintain your hotness! You have the kid body now and maintenance is much more expensive and time consuming. Your not as sweet as you used to be because being sweet takes time you have none anymore. I swear, sometimes I feel like I have turned into a bitchy, non sex having, child rearing, clean freak, carpooling, money spending, house decorating, needy, fattening food cooking, out to lunch going, country clubbing Nazi! LOL! I know the girl that I used to be is in there somewhere...or maybe a resemblance of her! Enough for today! The rantings of the lonely housewife to be continued! Happy day! Ya'll tell me your experinces with this and how you think we have become the way we are about love!

Today, has been the slowest day ever. One of a string of slow days due to the rain and now what has become the snow which will then turn into another day of slowness....It seems that indeed you CAN watch like 9 consecutive hours of television and still be coherent enough to write an ever so intellegent blog about your "slow day"! I think we pretty much did everything we could do today including painting toe nails, cleaning windows, art projects, which last minutes when dealing with a 3 year old who has the attention span of a three year old, cooking and eating which obviously go hand in hand and a quick trip to the Pottery Barn for some out of the house fun!
Of course me daily trips to the computer to check my e mail were right on schedule for the day! I think I am losing it with the single parenting situaiton I am in these days. I am posivitve I need to get a job outside the house. I was dumb enough to think that I could take on everything that is my life right now even after my sweet husband said " Honey are you sure that you want to take all this on?" I am by nature a super freak when it comes to control, so my very upbeat answer to his questions was "uh...of course I can handle it!" I mean I have been on my own since I was 17 and fully capable to take care of myself since I can remember...so this whole situation should be a peice of cake right? Well, think again. I have found my self in the deepest pits of loneliness and despair...this indication came to me one night as I was walking aimlessly thru my house humming a tune from some broadway musical peice(of which I have many stored in my head for times just as these) when my very intelligent 6 year old daugter said to me "mommy are you going coocoo again?" Mmmmm...I said with a look of confusion? She then pointed out to me that I had my Pajamas on over my jeans and and two mitch matched shoes on! Now, granted...they were the same shoe just different colors...but seriously! I think I am losing it! I never in a million years would have thought that I would be so stricken by being by myself! As a mother of two young children, I can't but help to yearn for moments of being by myself, yet when I am, I am miserably lonely! Go figure! I think that God is using this time to stretch and grow me. When you have been married for 9 years and have little kids I think you fall into this trap...the one you say you'll never fall into when you are young and life is full of the possibility of anything. You become the wife and the mom! UGHHHHHH! You used the be the hot blonde with the kick as bod who had a career and her own money and her own bills and her own everything. Now...I struggle to remeber the things that brought me happiness before I was these things! Not in a bad way just a reflective way! I know that I will indeed be back with my husband in Ky before long and we will once again function as a unit, and life will go on, but for now it is really hard being alone and having the "quiet" all the time. How do people do it? Maybe you just do what ya gotta do and you just deal with it. Survival......it sucks! So, right now in this moment I choose to survive...no promises for tomorrow! I'll take a day at a time !

blogging????

Ok.....so...now I have a blog to write my random thoughts. Thanks to my friend Jamie who may or may not know that she inspired me with her blog to start blogging! Hmmmm.... interesting!? So, here will be the spot to kinda write my daily thoughts about daily stuff! The things you probably all want to know about my daily life which consists of right now single parenting...which pretty much sucks! So....I will be writing sort of for my own sanity. read it...or don't...whatever!